Its Coming Together!

     Yesterday I shared about my attempt to wake up early in the morning before my family rises. For this night owl, nine hour, sleep loving, overwhelmed momma it is QUITE the challenge!
     However, I started to see something new yesterday. Life's events flow together! I know I wrote recently that I wanted my life to start running together and flow peacefully like a river, but yesterday a part of my brain actually comprehended what that means! I don't expect to be able to do it perfectly, but it is pretty stinking exciting to actually "get it!"
     You may wonder how this revelation of the formation of life events came to me. (I'm wondering how I never saw it before!) Well, as I failed at my first attempt to escape my slumber before dawn, I tried to re-evaluate my strategy for accomplishing this goal. It was pretty simple to see that if I wanted to wake early, I would need to go to bed earlier. However, there are many things (most things actually) that get accomplished in the very late evening and wee hours of the morning. That is the time I relax, catch up with friends, think about life, attempt some housekeeping, pray and even shop! That is a LOT of things shoved into the last few hours before bed. No wonder most of it doesn't get done. OK, so back to my revelation... when I realized I would need to go to bed earlier in order to wake up earlier, I also came to the conclusion that the tasks that are reserved for that time would also need to be rescheduled. As I started thinking of what tasks I reserve for that time and how I could reschedule them, I realized it would take ALL day just to get ready for bed!
     Maybe that's how it is supposed to happen?! Eureka! The missing piece! I need to prepare ALL day today just to get ready for tomorrow! Wait? What? How have I existed this long without knowing this? I understand that those of us with complicated wiring systems in our brains (ADD/ADHD) function better under a certain amount of pressure as it acts as stimulation for our brains, but in a subconscious effort to create stim, I created an insurmountable obstacle of unfinished business.
     Next comes the hardest part for me... the "doing" part.
    

Alarm Clocks And Coffee

     Alarm clocks and coffee! What more does a non-morning person need to conquer the morning?
     That would be the act of physically getting out of bed! Gah!
     My marriage mentor has suggested one simple challenge for this week, get out of bed one hour before everyone else. For my house that means 6AM. I know that is nothing for many people, but for this nine-hour-a-night, night owl, it goes against every fiber of my being! Don't get me wrong, I would love to be a morning person. The few occasions in my life when I have managed by some miracle to wrangle myself out of bed before sunrise, have been very pleasant and peaceful. I LOVE mornings! My body, however despises them!
     Last week as I tried this new exercise called, "making the bed" I realized how very sincerely I love to sleep. I'm in love with my bed! Maybe that's why I never made my bed? As I spread the sheets and soft blankets smoothly over the warm bed where my body had lay all night, I fantasized about crawling back in! I was like a cat with a warm basket of laundry in front of a sun filled window! It was so tempting! I was disturbed at how much I longed for it! Wow! Is my life that hard or am I just that lazy? I don't know. What I do know is that in bed there is peace and comfort and I LIKE that!
     So, when my mentor suggested the simple plan of waking an hour before the rest of the house to give my body time to come alive while I sip a cup of java and meditate on a Bible verse, I knew it was a marvelous plan even though it grated against my insides. I really wanted to scream and cry, "NOooooo!" I wanted to fight for my right to have that one little bit of pleasure! But, more than I want to be comfortable, I want to bring glory to God and be used of Him and I know that starting the day off right will contribute to just that.
    Last night at six PM I was on the phone with my sister, telling her my plan and I said, "Its six O'clock! I have to be awake in twelve hours! I need to get to bed!". I was only half joking and sadly we had plans for the evening. We did not get home until close to midnight and by the time I had a little down time, checked e-mails and shined my sink, it was 2AM! Still I got the coffee pot ready and set my alarm for six. The alarm woke me up and I lay in bed contemplating getting up. I wanted to get up and I wanted to sleep. As I debated I drifted back to sleep. Then I got a text message from my sister! Again I debated trying to find a snooze or set an alarm for seven or eight O'clock. That would at lease be a step in the right direction! In the middle of my debate I drifted back to sleep.  I woke at half past nine when I got a phone call!
     Alarm clocks and coffee are only helpful if you actually get. out. of. bed. Tomorrow is a new day! I will start planning for six AM now.

    

Hardware or Software Problem?

my computer is going soooo sloooowww...
Last week I tried to add a program and it had me add a bunch of stuff I didn't need. Honestly, I didn't know what I was doing and didn't really want to figure it out so I just clicked what the program told me to. This resulted in my computer doing crazy things that I didn't want and taking forever to do what I did want. Grrrr! Eventually I had to go to the control panel and uninstall all of the junk that was making my computer run wacky.
It made me think of how this same thing happens in our hearts, often times through the course of everyday life, we inadvertently add things that just don't belong there, things like impatience, materialism, people pleasing, selfishness, etc, etc. Those things make our lives operate in ways we don't want.
Its so important to run security scans of our hearts (Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is living and effective... It is able to judge the ideas and thoughts of the heart.") and remove the things that don't belong there (Revelation 12:11 They conquered... by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony).

It is often difficult to know which things are causing system problems when you have ADD.

Is it something in our hearts, some sin we have let creep in? Or is it an issue with the hard wiring? The challenge of ADD doesn't stop there! The mechanisms that we have created to survive with ADD can also complicate getting to the root of the matter. Things like avoidance, over-thinking or taking too much blame can make untangling the ADD-heart web quite challenging.

This is where faith has helped me immensely! My old-self would have spent a large amount of time and emotional energy trying to sort things out to make the perfect evaluation. In the end I would most likely have given up and left the situation unresolved. However, as I have grown in faith I have learned the truth about God and about myself. God is good, faithful and loving. I, on the other hand, am not those things at least not consistently anyway. So, when it comes down to it I can always trust God.

How does this help with ADD? Trusting God means I do not have to figure everything out! I can trust that if there is some error in me, as long as I keep my focus on Him, He will be faithful to reveal it and show me how to deal with it. That is FREEDOM!

Just a quick one today! I'm already late late late for a birthday party! We're all still in our jammies, its 2:30 and the party starts at 3PM. Hmmm...

Why am I on here? Gotta do what was in my head before I can move on! That's why!

Thank goodness my husband is not home! Oh the looks & condemnation!

So, here goes, two minutes to get this off my brain! lol!

My new plan for the week is a dinner menu/schedule. Many days I don't even think of dinner till 6 or 7PM! That just is not working. So, I was thinking of doing freezer meals, you know the ones you make ahead? That made me think that having a "plan" might help.

This is my rough sketch:

-Fish two nights a week (would love to do it three, but honestly am not even doing it twice a month right now, so twice a week would be amazing).

-Whole Chicken with side and veggies one night.

-Leftover Chicken in soup the next night.

-Some sort of Beef Roast with side an veggies one night.

-Leftover Beef in stew or soup the next (I make a MEAN soup!)

-Then the last night a frozen casserole from the freezer!

Today is Saturday. My goal is to implement this by next week. I'll let you know next Saturday how it goes!

Lets do this!

What "Delays" and "Derails" You?

       I got derailed yesterday. To be quite honest most days could be categorized as "derailed", I've spent the last fifteen years trying to get back on track.

       By "on track" I mean the execution of everyday tasks that results in a life moving forward. I want to be a river, rolling steadily towards my destination. Most days I feel like the ocean tide, crashing on the shore and dispersing all of my energy.

       While yesterday was not a wasted, scattered day it was not the slow steady progression and consistency that I am aiming for.

        Here's what happened; Drama. The night before I had an intense dispute with my husband. We have a lot of issues and my ADD certainly does not make life any easier for either one of us. So, yesterday I spent the day praying and trying to work through some of our issues. It was a day well spent and necessary, but again many of the tasks that I need to accomplish (such as writing here or housework) were scattered like the ocean mist.

       Today I am attempting to collect myself and move forward. I'm still not exactly sure what that looks like, but I'm starting here doing one or two ordinary things. I'm thinking that maybe a list of those "everyday tasks" might be helpful. Nothing crazy detailed, maybe something like;

Pray
Shower
Write
One Cleaning Task
Activity With Girls
Cook

Its embarrassing that many days these simple tasks get skipped, but it is the reality that I'm trying to rise above. I may not be able to prevent the situations that get me derailed but I can have a plan to regroup and hopefully those collected days of accomplishing small tasks will begin to run together and flow like that peaceful river I hope for my life to be.

So, what gets you derailed? Do you have a plan?

The Diagnosis

        After the diagnosis of ADD was confirmed I was like a wind-up toy that had been being wound for 20 years and then suddenly released. I did not have the hyperactive type of ADD but I'm sure it seemed like it for a few weeks. A lifetime of frustration and heartache finally had an answer! I was not lazy and unmotivated. There was a reason that I had always felt left-out. The conflict between who I thought I was on the inside and what my life said about me was resolved and I wanted to shout it from the rooftops! I wanted to go to every teacher (the ones who tried to encourage and the ones who dismissed me with tangible disappointment), every classmate (the ones who were kind but distant and the ones who straight out rejected me), every relative (the ones who silently judged my parents for my lack of discipline and the ones who obviously preferred the other children), every boyfriend, boss, coworker, counselor, pastor, doctor... every failed or frustrated relationship and tell them that the conflict between who I was and what I did had been resolved!
Here's what happened when I did just that; not much. Unfortunately the stigmatism that goes with ADHD, which I had held just days earlier, had penetrated the minds of those around me as well. The ADD diagnosis (ADHD the way they believed it) only confirmed what they already thought of me, I was lazy and had just found a new excuse. One loving member of my family even suggested that, "maybe you could pay attention better if you didn't talk so much". Ouch! The words and perceptions that had discouraged and stung me all of my life had not changed, but I had! If no one believed the diagnosis, I knew the truth and that was enough validation for me!

What about you? Do you have ADD/ADHD? Do you tell people and how do they react? Please comment with your response!

If you are curious, I found this questionnaire on line. It is not a substitute for a medical evaluation, but can get you started in the right direction. Please keep in mind that many disorders can mimic each other. If you suspect that you have ADD/ADHD there is help, please talk with your medical doctor! Email this article to a friend
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ADULT ADD QUESTIONNAIRE

This questionnaire is provided as a guide only, and should in no way be considered diagnostic.

The scale is the Wender Utah Adult ADD Scale 5.0.

The questions are scored from 1 to 5. The maximum possible score is 120. My unofficial guide is: 0-50 probably not ADD, 50-75 maybe, 75 -100 probably and above 100, it’s for sure.

The questions below refer to how you have behaved and felt DURING THE PAST WEEK. Rate each question on a scale of 0 to five, using the following scale:

0 = not at all	1 = just a little	2 = somewhat
3 = moderately	4 = quite a lot	5 = very much

1. At home, work, or school, I find my mind wandering from tasks that are uninteresting or difficult.	0 1 2 3 4 5
2. I find it difficult to read written material unless it is very interesting or very easy.	0 1 2 3 4 5
3. Especially in groups, I find I hard to say focused on what is being said in conversations.	0 1 2 3 4 5
4. I have a quick temper…a short fuse.	0 1 2 3 4 5
5. I am irritable, and get upset by minor annoyances.	0 1 2 3 4 5
6. I say things without thinking, and later regret having said them.	0 1 2 3 4 5
7. I make quick decisions without thinking enough about their possible bad results.	0 1 2 3 4 5
8. My relationships with people are made difficult by my tendency to talk first and think later.	0 1 2 3 4 5
9. My moods have highs and lows.	0 1 2 3 4 5
10. I have trouble planning in what order to do a series of tasks or activities.	0 1 2 3 4 5
11. I easily become upset.	0 1 2 3 4 5
12. I seem to be “thin skinned” and many things upset me.	0 1 2 3 4 5
13. I am almost always “on the go.”	0 1 2 3 4 5
14. I am more comfortable when moving than when sitting still.	0 1 2 3 4 5
15. In conversations, I start to answer questions before the questions have been fully asked.	0 1 2 3 4 5
16. I usually work on more than one project at a time, and fail to finish many of them.	0 1 2 3 4 5
17. There is a lot of “static” or “chatter” in my head.	0 1 2 3 4 5
18. Even when sitting quietly, I am usually moving my hands or feet.	0 1 2 3 4 5
19. In group activities it is hard for me to wait my turn.	0 1 2 3 4 5
20. My mind gets so cluttered that it is hard for it to function.	0 1 2 3 4 5
21. My thoughts bounce around as if my mind were a pinball machine.	0 1 2 3 4 5
22. My brain feels as if it were a television set with all the channels going at once.	0 1 2 3 4 5
23. I am unable to stop daydreaming.	0 1 2 3 4 5
24. I am distressed by the disorganized way my brain works.	0 1 2 3 4 5

Now add up your score and see hot it rates on the scale provided above.

Again, this questionnaire is provided for guideline purposes only. If you have questions or concerns, be sure to consult your physician or therapist.